A feedback should be given in a timely manner, should be driven by facts/data and should be based on specific behavior at specific time. Only this constitutes a feedback, that can be worked on and discussed. What about receiving feedback? How one should do it? What are the options?
Some time ago I was given some feedback. It was provided according to the rules. It was:
- given within a few hours
- specific, related to a specific behavior
- it provided some data points that could be fact-checked
The last thing was that the feedback was negative. What options did I have? What options do we have to choose from, assuming, that the data points are based in reality.
Event if the facts are true, you can easily flush it down. Maybe the facts were like presented, but it’s THIS OTHER thing. You can imagine or recall a person like this. Trying to escape using The Ego Way. It can result in showing how hurt they are by this feedback, even when it’s provided within the rules mentioned above. As you can imagine, I’d not encourage this way.
There’s a change that you can falsify the feedback by providing more data points. Again, I’m not talking about this lengthy discussions that converge to agree-to-disagree by dragging both sides so long, that they don’t care. Sometimes there is actually something more that you know is true, and bringing it to the table can change the perception (not the facts).
The last path that I recently used was, asking a question “What if I alter my behavior?”. What if the altered behavior is not against my principles or rules of cooperation. What I make a conscious effort to alter it next time to see, how will it play out? What if I treat the next occasion as an experiment field. Applying feedback, gathering data, being observant and learning? What’s wrong with this? Again, it’s not passive-aggressive attitude, but rather checking how the altered behavior will work out.
Giving feedback can be hard. Receiving it, can be even harder. It’s good to think about all the ways you can work it through and make it a part of a meaningful relationship (personal or professional). I encourage you to think about the paths you choose when receiving feedback.